Lockdown is bringing us into much closer proximity with our loved ones than we are used to, and over a much longer time, and this is leading to the breakdown of many relationships.
Relationships are key to our lives and probably one of the most beautiful and hardest things we ever have to navigate. This is because once we are past the first flush of excitement, relationships turn into mirrors and mirrors show us the parts of ourselves that we do not want to face.
Image by Alex Iby – Unsplash
When there is something about ourselves that we can’t accept or don’t like, we hide it deep in our unconscious minds. However, like plants, we crave light and so we project these tricky, hidden parts of ourselves onto someone else so that we can see them. Then, if we don’t like what we see, we then judge and blame the other person. It’s exhausting. Worse still, it turns us into needy victims.
So what can we do about it?
The first thing is not to take the other person’s behaviour personally. If you are witnessing negativity from someone, try looking inside yourself and dare to feel what you really feel. Whether your feelings stem from your fear of being disapproved of or from something you dislike about yourself, once you turn towards them and are able to look them in the face you will be able to let them go.
If, on the other hand, their behaviour is an expression of the negativity inside them, then step away and detach with compassion, holding the space for them to experience whatever it is that they need to experience. Remember that they are also projecting onto us what they cannot deal with in themselves.
So don’t become disappointed when the initial falling in love part of the relationship begins to fade. Instead use it to welcome the power play that inevitably follows and to help yourself and the other person evolve.
At the beginning of a potential relationship, we are like a peacock displaying our gorgeous tail feathers.
Image by Paul Carmona – Unsplash (saved in Pixabay)
The trouble is that the peacock has a problem. His tail feathers have become so heavy that he can no longer fly. And it is no different with us. When the initial relationship begins to become real we can no longer take off into flights of fantasy. Instead we need to accept the light that our partner is shining on us and freely shed light onto our partner.
This is enlightenment, and like a true and caring relationship, it is a beautiful thing.
Image by Dương Hữu – Unsplash
